Reflecting on the Graduate Application Process
Fall 2024 was quite the time to start the graduate application process, with so much uncertainty around funding, lab openings, and the long-term fate of science in the United States. What already felt like a major branch point in my life suddenly also became a time of collective fear, mourning, and anger throughout much of the country.
Unfortunately, living through "unprecedented times” has become a hallmark of my generation, so in some ways this felt like just another calamity in a long list of global disasters. Here are a few things that helped get me through this yearlong period of stress and essay-writing:
Walks around the neighborhood to get away from screens, remind myself what it’s all about (trees, fresh air, birdsong, squirrels), and pet some cats
Strategically-scheduled treats to motivate my writing (fancy coffees, chinese food, etc.)
Learning that drafts are drafts–editing the hell out of your writing is the whole point, and for me, is a much less painful process than getting the initial words down on paper
Compartmentalizing my to-do and worry-about lists based on priority, things I’m excited about, and things I have control over
Organizing initial literature reviews in a spreadsheet to keep all my notes, thoughts, comments on methods, and research gaps in one place
Once interview offers and admissions decisions started coming in, I realized that despite my initial hopes, my time of stress was actually just beginning. I had written pages on pages about what I was looking for in a graduate program, what I wanted to study, and why. Yet I now had to articulate all of this face to face with prospective advisors, and, much more frighteningly, to myself as I faced major decisions about my future.
Above all, I wanted to be sure that whatever choice I made, I was making the right decision for me, and not my ego, family, friends, or immediate comfort. This meant looking at what different programs offered beyond just what they could “get” me. Many people advised me against pursuing a PhD when a Masters could serve me just as well in my prospective career in the non-profit space. But after a lot of consideration, research, and personal reflection, I ultimately decided that while a doctorate and masters may afford me similar career opportunities, I was willing to spend the additional effort in exchange for the space and time to deeply explore the research questions that interest me most. I don’t just want another degree; I want to grow into my own as a scientist, and I believe a PhD is the course that allows me to do that in the most dedicated way.
That being said, applying for PhD programs was exceedingly daunting. Even with a relatively comprehensive research background, I still felt behind where I thought I should be compared to others pursuing this path. Although I think this imposter syndrome is likely just a part of the process, I was also able to find a surprising amount of confidence through developing research proposals for my various applications.
Being forced to take a huge body of literature, sift through each paper, and distill down a research question, hypothesis, and methodology behind a topic that is not only interesting, but also novel to the field, was a big task. But it was also one I found I was able to tackle. I broke the process down into small steps, beginning with isolating a theme or species I was interested in looking at, compiling a list of papers tangential to that subject, and analyzing each one to organize my ideas and get a feel for existing methods and findings. By looking carefully at what others have done, I built a lot more confidence in my ability to follow suit. This process also helped affirm that there is still so much more to explore in the world of science, no matter how many papers have been published already!
When I reached the stage of interviewing for different labs, I struggled to reframe my approach from a corporate/job perspective to an academic one. Graduate interviews ask more questions about your future goals, approach to learning, and specific scientific interests, with less focus on your interpersonal or external skillsets. Be sure you have a clear understanding of the basic literature in the field you’re interviewing for, and be prepared to highlight gaps and methods you’ve identified.
Finally! The decision point! Admissions came in slowly and sporadically for me, especially as schools tried to figure out their funding opportunities amidst all the political chaos. But once I had a halfway decent idea of which options I might be choosing between, it was time to start creating the infamous pros and cons lists. This meant getting down and dirty with what actually makes a program a good fit. With the help of friends, I ranked each program using criteria including financial stability, alignment with moral, academic, and career goals, and something we called the “scariness factor” to account for some of the more undefined feelings around each option. Of course, the programs I was comparing between all ended up ranking within one point of each other, but I still felt the exercise helped, even if only to affirm what I already knew in my gut to be the right choice.
I also think it’s important to mention that in between my first admission letter and my last (and many, many rejections in between), I experienced a whole rollercoaster of emotions. To have funding pulled, be rejected from dream programs, and be ghosted by top labs after spending so many months, endless drafts, and a multitude of tears on each one, was pretty devastating. I felt emotionally exhausted from such an extended period of intense stress, and to then be met at the end by rejection after rejection was very difficult. I spent many nights grieving these futures I had envisioned for myself, struggling to feel worthy of a graduate degree at all, and wishing I could have just a little clarity about what the next few years of my life would look like. In due time, though, it has all come together and I am now able to celebrate this first accomplishment and all that’s yet to come.
For all the stress and uncertainty I faced over the last year, I am exceedingly proud of the work I put in and would do it all again in a heartbeat. I’m sure the next 5-7 years will bring even more stress, uncertainty, and failure, but I feel ready to meet these challenges head on. Here’s to what’s next!
** Are you applying to graduate school right now, or thinking about starting the process? I’m happy to answer questions or chat about my experience! Feel free to reach out using the contact page!
